When Your Husband Doesn’t Support Homeschooling

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I blog about homeschooling and my husband isn’t a supporter of homeschooling.

Yes, you read that right.

So you are probably wondering, “Why in the world do you write about this when your husband doesn’t support it?”

My husband may not be in favor of homeschooling, but he does support me. While I wish he were an advocate for home education, right now I am content to have his support for my efforts despite his lack of shared beliefs. Let me tell you, we have come a LONG way in this area.

Along the way I have made LOTS of mistakes. I’ve also done a few things right. I’d like to share some do’s and don’ts when you and your husband are not seeing eye to eye on the topic of homeschooling.

Let’s start with the do’s.

 

What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Support Homeschooling

• Pray for him. This is the biggest, most important thing you can do. YOU cannot change your husband. YOU cannot convince him of anything. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in his heart. Pray for GOD’S will in this area not yours. Pray for guidance and wisdom as his wife. I do not believe God will ignore such prayers. Pray often. And WAIT on the Lord and his timing.
• Seek to understand. When the subject comes up, show your husband your desire is to understand his concerns. Your purpose should be to understand not convince or change his mind.
• Respect his opinions. He has valid concerns. He is the head of your family. He needs to feel your respect. You can disagree with him and still be respectful. However, I would be careful not to voice disagreements too often. You do not want to be a disagreeable wife. This can be taken as disrespect.
• Walk in his shoes. You’re husband likely hasn’t spent countless hours listening to podcasts, talking to homeschool moms, reading books on education, or viewing inspiring photos of homeschoolers on instagram. You have the advantage of a vision of what homeschooling is that he does not have. It’s possible his idea of homeschooling is based on the media’s portrayal and negative personal experiences. Ask him to talk about his encounters with homeschooling. Ask him about what he pictures your life to look like as a homeschooling family. Then LISTEN. Pray for positive homeschooling experiences that will allow him to develop a healthy image.
• Ask for one year. Making the commitment to homeschool can be daunting. Your husband has no idea what he’s getting into (Do we even really know?!) . Asking for just a year is more manageable. This gives you the opportunity to test it out. By the end of the year he will have a better idea of what homeschooling looks like for your family.
• Ask what you can do. I did not ask my husband this. But I should have. If I had he would’ve told me, “I want you to share with me what you are learning so I can be a part of this decision.”
• Invite him to make this decision with you and really mean it. Show him you value his opinions. Wait on him to move forward.
• Write him a letter. Often it’s easier to write your desires than express them orally. You will be able to share your heart without any rebuttals. Your letter should be genuine, respectful, and heartfelt. Make sure you praise your husband and the overall tone is positive. Pour out your heart to him and thank him in advance for his consideration. Before you begin pray over the words that you use.
• Pray together. This is not a battle of one spouse’s position against the other. You are battling together for the best interest of your children and family. Therefore you should pray together about God’s will for your family. 

Thankfully, I did most of these things. But unfortunately I did all the things below that I don’t recommend.

What NOT To Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Homeschool

• Decide to homeschool anyway. Josh gave me the permission to homeschool preschool, so I’d like to think I’m not guilty of this, but alas I am. My actions did not reflect that we were just homeschooling for a year or two of preschool. My actions showed I had already committed in my mind and heart for the long-haul of homeschooling. I joined a homeschool co-op even though my son was too young to participate. I worked with the preschoolers and had decided privately we would continue on when my son reached the required age. Although I did not voice my decisions with my husband, he could tell where my heart was. Although it is very hard to not act on what you are convinced of, it is very important to at least show effort. When you act on decisions your husband is not on board with you are undermining his role as your husband.
• Treat him as your project. I don’t think I did this, but it’s not because I didn’t want to. I had planned to sit down with a copy of Education: Does God Have an Opinion? and write out a case for homeschooling. I had planned to do more research on the subject to include as well. Thank God I never had the time to do this! It would NOT have gone over well! (I do think that this book is worth reading. Suggest reading it TOGETHER with your spouse.)
• Leave him behind as you continue learning. I kept listening to podcasts, reading books, browsing instagram, conversing with friends, all without sharing anything with my husband. I thought I was being respectful for not bringing up the subject, but it turns out he WANTED to be involved. He wanted to learn what I was learning even if he didn’t agree with it or like it.
• Move fast. This is similar to leaving him behind and I am completely guilty of this. I threw myself into the local homeschooling community and facebook groups. I joined a co-op my son was too young to participate in as a preschool helper. I researched curriculum that we wouldn’t need for years! I was not gracious to my husband. While I don’t think it’s wrong to continue learning about homeschooling, you need to do this WITH your husband and not move on without him.
• Make assumptions. Don’t assume you know ANYTHING that your husband is thinking. I assumed my husband wanted to be left out of all the learning I was doing. I was wrong. Don’t assume he understands what you understand about homeschooling. A lot of times when I made assumptions I didn’t realize I was even making them. But I did. All. The. Time. The only way to combat making assumptions is to talk openly and ask questions. Ask the questions that you think you know the answers to and you will be surprised.

So how in the world did Josh come around to agreeing that we could homeschool our children? (Especially since I made every mistake listed above!)

By the grace of God!

God worked in his heart to show me grace when I mistreated him. He worked in his heart to love me and support me even when he doesn’t fully understand what homeschooling will entail.

One night I broke down with Josh. All my pregnant hormones and emotions got the best of me and I poured out my heart (and tears) to him. It was in this vulnerable conversation that Josh gave me his blessing. He told me that all his reasons for not wanting to homeschool were based on fear and like Zach Williams sings, fear is a liar. Then he noted that all my reasons for wanting to homeschool were based out of love. So he gave me his consent.

He still is not a proponent for home education, but he supports me. And that’s all I can ask of him.

One day I hope he can say he not only believes in homeschooling, but that he loves it! Until then I will keep praying, respecting, and loving him!

What about you, mama? Are you torn because your husband is not on board? Take heart. God is faithful. He is trustworthy. If you find that your husband is not budging on his stance, respect his wishes. And pray. Pray for God’s will to be revealed to you and for the willingness to accept it.